HERITAGE

PLANT POTATOES
An inmate was aware that all prison mail passes through censors. When he got a letter from his wife asking about the family garden — “Honey, when do I plant potatoes?” — he wrote back, “Do not, under any circumstances, dig up our old garden spot. That’s where I buried all my guns.”

Within days his wife wrote back, “Six investigators came to the house. They dug up every square inch of the back yard.”

By return mail she got his answer: “now is the time to plant potatoes.”

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HOT AND COLD

Isang Pinoy at Kano ang nagpapasikatan:

KANO: Sa amin sa Amerika ay napakalamig. Tuwing sasapit and winter, kinakailangang ilagay ang mga baka sa kuwartong may heater para hindi lumabas na ice cream ang kanilang gatas.

PINOY: Wala yan sa ‘Pinas. Sa amin ay napakainit tuwing summer kaya kinakailangang paypayan ang mga inahing manok para hindi lumabas na hard boiled and kanilang itlog.


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WHAT A FAITH

It was “sharing time” in a kindergarten class full of bright children. The teacher was presiding over a discussion about the children’s fathers and mothers.

One child said, “Well, my mother’s a Catholic and my father’s a Jew.

“Oh, wow!” said another. “So what do you believe in?”

“I believe in everything!” said the first child.

“Well, you know,” said the first child, “Jesus Christ, Moses, Snow White… everything!”

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BUWAN O ARAW

Dalawang lassengero ang susuray-suray na naglalakad pauwi.

JUAN: Pare, mag-uumaga na. Magagalit na naman ang mga asawa natin.

PEDRO: Oo nga, pare. Ginabi na naman tayo. Tingnan mo ang liwanag na ng sikat ng buwan.

JUAN: Pare naman, hindi ‘yan buwan kundi araw.
Pinagtalunan nila ang bagay na ito nang may isang mamang dumaan.

PEDRO: Para matapos na ‘to, halika tanungin natin itong mama.

JUAN: Bosing, puwede bang tulungan mo kami? Ano ba yan, bosing?
(sabay turo sa ‘taas)

BOSING: Pare, alin sa tatlo na yan???

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ASHES

A young man visited his friend. When he got to his friend’s place, he noticed the messy table.

FRIEND: Excuse the mess. Those are grandpa’s ashes.

YOUNG MAN: (shocked) You mean he was cremated?

FRIEND: No, just too lazy to get an ashtray.

MAGKANO?
Isang lasing ang sumakay sa jeep pabiyaheng Kaloocan. Ganito ang naging usapan nila ng tsuper ng jeep:

TSUPER: (Nang iabot sa kanya ang limang piso ng lasing na pasahero) Saan galing ‘to?

LASING: Sa bulsa ko.

TSUPER: Eh, san sumakay ‘to?

LASING: Eh, di sa jeep mo!

Nainis ang tsuper pero hindi niya ipinahalata at nang bumaba ang lasing na pasahero sa Grace Park at ibinigay sa kanya ng tsuper ang sukli….

LASING: Bakit? Magkano ba nag Monumento?

TSUPER: Ewan ko, itanong mo sa Presidente baka ipagbili sa’yo.


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PALAY O KANIN

Pinagmamasdan ng dalawang magkaibigan ang mga kalapating kumakain ng palay.

DARWIN: Ano sa palagay mo pare, kumakain kaya nag mga Kalahari ng kanin?

MOISES: Ewan ko pare, pero sa palagay ko hindi.

DARWIN: Bakit mo naman nasabing hindi?

MOISES: Kasi hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa sila nagkikitang nagsasaing.


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WRITE YOUR NAME

Two little boys had misbehaved all day and were told by the teacher to remain after school and write their names 100 times as punishment. One boy begun writing as told but the other merely sat at his desk and sulked.

TEACHER: Why aren’t you writing your name?LITTLE BOY: It’s not fair. His name is JC and my name is Chadban